Being Catholic, Being Single, Being Catholic AND Single is Okay! 👍🏽

Originally posted to Facebook on January 22, 2020

Catholic Women On Social Media In Alarming Numbers: “Catholic ladies, I hope you find a man who -“

Me, firmly on the single and refuses to mingle train: You mean Jesus doesn’t COUNT?

Also, real “quick” (as in, welcome to the first “Long” Angelica Status of the Year and of the Decade and in a long while???).

I love being Catholic and I love being a woman and all, but why, oh why, do so many Catholic women (who haven’t decided to abandon the Church anyway) obsess over “finding a man” and think that’s what /every/ Catholic woman wants?

I sorta noticed this at Hofstra w/ my Catholic gal friends, and I remember cringing every time romantic relationships would be brought up b/c it was ALWAYS treated as “well, you either become a religious brother or sister or you get married, so if you ain’t feeling the former, get working on the latter,” and it ALWAYS bugged me. But, in typical Angelica fashion, I said nothing b/c

1) that wasn’t a boat I, with zero romantic relationship experience, wanted to rock

2) I KNOW I was in the minority, so had I said something, it would be acknowledge with “oh, good point.” and most likely never to be addressed again.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the one time I was at an intercampus retreat, and I told two of my friends I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship b/c xyz reasons, and they talked about “finding the one” for me at that retreat. BIG HECKING SHAKING MY HEAD Y’ALL.

Which is why when I heard the campus Catholic priest and then a priest from my Texas home parish acknowledge that non-religious singlehood, I kid you not, I almost cried. Imagine not having the vocation you’ve been called to (in terms of how you connect w/ other human beings) acknowledged for two decades, then not one, but TWO priests acknowledge it.

It’s powerful, to say the least.

Many of the saints weren’t married. Neither were they of a religious or priestly order. Jesus wasn’t married by the legal and earthly definition of the word.

I don’t know if it’s just me who’s perfectly comfortable in her singleness and who’s pretty sure God hasn’t called her for a romantic relationship, but.

To any possible single Catholic, or even Christian or religious (or non-religious? Trying to cover my bases here ) friends who have no interest in finding a significant other, whether right now or ever:

The non-religious order singlehood vocation is just as valid of a vocation as the married life and the religious life.

Even if this fantastic () society that we live in wants to make life incredibly stressful for single folks just because we’re not shacking up with or in a romantic relationship or married to someone else.

Even if all you see on your social media feed is your friends saying they’re dating or engaged or married and you can only bring yourself to press the like or love reaction out of support b/c you’re getting so tired of it all.

Even if your family members or friends constantly hound you with “WHY AREN’T YOU DATING????” questions that you just give very short answers to b/c “it’s really none of your business but.”

Even if all the world wants to shove in romantic subplots in all the media we consume b/c we as a species apparently can’t function w/o being in romantic relationships, even though we most certainly can.

It’s really okay to be single, I promise. Whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship doesn’t and shouldn’t define your worth as a person.

And to my fellow Catholic women and non-Catholic women who are in romantic relationships right now: I’m really happy for you. I truly am. But please also keep in mind not all women want what you have relationship-wise. Please and thank.

“Angelica, you really could’ve saved this for Valentine’s Day or Singles’ Awareness Day, ya know.”

I mean, I /could’ve,/ but then it’d look like I just hate folks in romantic relationships and/or I’m jealous, which I absolutely. Do Not. And absolutely. Am Not.

(It’s hard to be jealous when I spend a good chunk of my time crying over fictional characters anyway. particularly over this one male fictional character whom I’ve loved for nearly 12 years now, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be celebrating my singleness w/ good ole fashioned cookies and milk. Peace.

World Mental Health Day Reflection

Originally posted to Facebook on October 18, 2018

So, today is World Mental Health Day. And as a former Hofstra Chronicle columnist who wrote extensively on the subject that I bet y’all definitely miss, it’d be kinda weird (for me anyway) if I didn’t say at least /something/ about it.

So yeah, an Angelica FB post, which means it’s gonna be long. You’ve been forewarned.

This time last year, my mental health was . . . maybe shambles isn’t the right word, but let’s just say I wasn’t in a great place either.

I had just walked out of a meeting with the person supposedly in charge of scheduling off-campus internships b/c I was foolish enough to believe I could handle an internship AND being a second-semester senior. But, she took one look at my resume, asked me all sorts of very uncomfortable questions, and she straight up told me, “You’re not going to find any internships that’s just writing.”

And basically, the vibe I got from her was that I was lucky to make it this far without holding any paid positions, even though I had a LOT of volunteering under my belt. She even said at one point, “Wow. You’ve never had a paid job? Your parents must really love you.”

And I really wanted to scream at her, “No, it’s because I was never mentally capable enough to be a student AND hold a paid position at a job that probably sucks at the same time.

“Not to mention I was literally shamed by my own family during Christmas 2016 for not having had a job yet and they just assumed they knew all the reasons why I hadn’t had one yet, and I nearly threw up ’cause I was crying so hard, but go freakin’ off, I guess.”

But, in classic Angelica fashion, I didn’t.

I walked out of that meeting feeling like absolute garbage. She had given me all sorts of suggestions to try and “improve” my chances at an internship, but that meeting – and she as an individual – left such a terrible impression on me, I wound up taking none of them.

So, as you can imagine, I didn’t have a spring semester internship. I was gonna walk across the stage in May 2018 with all kinds of accomplishments, but, unlike my peers, those accomplishments wouldn’t include “paid positions.” My chances of getting any job, according to the “adults,” were slim to none.

It absolutely terrified me. I didn’t want to go back to Texas permanently b/c that’s where all my mental health problems started. There’s a reason why I promote visiting TX to y’all Northeasterners, but not necessarily staying there.

Plus, the summer was coming up, which meant my dad was going to be a lot harsher than usual. B/c hot weather = angrier people. (also why I hate the summer season) And no one else would be around to take the brunt of that anger.

I just wasn’t in the mood to be verbally abused and angrily slapped on the forearm for making a stupid mistake while driving this summer, if you catch my drift.

And, as much as I tried to at least stifle how depressed all this was making me, particularly around my Hofstra pals and my Newman Club fam (b/c who wants to listen to a depressed person go off about how depressed they are. and I have severe trust issues, so I didn’t know if I could trust anyone with my actual feelings anyway), it was just making things worse.

So, I did what I always do when my mental health is all over the place. I started writing about it.

—————————————————————————

Flashforward to today. So, what happened to the stressed beyond belief college senior Angelica who was on the college senior struggle bus, who kept writing about being on the senior struggle bus in the Hofstra Chronicle, and who was trying her darndest not to permanently relocate to TX?

1) I’m not in TX (contrary to popular belief)

2) I have an internship that I absolutely love AND that I got literally three days after graduation (I swear writing about mental health for the Hofstra Chronicle got me this job. Thank u, Chronicle)

3) While my anxiety levels are up and down depending on the week, my depression is the lowest it’s been probably since . . . God, maybe elementary school? (I mean, the fact it’s not 90 bajillion degrees outside helps too lmao) I do have my moments, but once I acknowledge those moments exist, it’s more manageable.

Now, the point of me telling you all of this is not “It gets better.” I mean, it does, but, between all 500+ of you (or whoever hasn’t unfollowed yet me but chooses to remain friends with me lmao) and me, that phrase has become sickeningly cliche to me, so I hate using it. Even though I just did so whoops.

But, today is #WorldMentalHealthDay. So, here’s the point of me telling you all this:

For those of you who also suffer from a mental condition like me: don’t be like me and wonder if your friends are really your friends and if they really care for you. Or if your family only cares about you when you succeed, in their eyes

Straight up ask them. I know it sounds weird, but if you even doubt for a second that your friends like you, message them. Push aside the voice that’s like “haha no one likes you, fam” and prove that voice wrong and sigh in relief that your friends do care. It’s just this adulting thing takes up so much time.

You feel like your family only cares when you succeed? Tell them, fam. Just straight up say “Listen, I’m having an off day. You care about me more than my successes, right?” (or something like that) If they say yes, fantastic! But if they question you or give you weird looks, congrats. I’m your family now. And I care for you.

Take care of yourselves, fam. /Mind,/ body, and soul.

This has been my one monthly long FB status. Remember, fam. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Anyone who says and acts otherwise is grossly misinformed. And if that “anyone” happens to be a politician running for office, do your part this November and VOTE!!! THEM!!! OUT!!!!

(or if they’re not an incumbent, KEEP!!! THEM!!! OUT!!!)

A Letter to the One Woman Who Wouldn’t Turn Off Her Phone During Catholic Mass

Originally posted to Facebook on June 22, 2016

@ the person whose cell phone went off (at an extremely high volume) as I was proclaiming God’s Word today at Daily Mass:

There’s so much I want to say, but I’ll just settle for this.

During one of my lector training sessions, I was told that if a cell phone went off or a child started screaming bloody murder or anything of the sort, I was told to keep going. God’s Word stops for no one, after all, and neither should the one assigned to proclaim it.

At that point, I wasn’t concerned. I’ve read at school Masses where people’s cell phones went off before. I wasn’t bothered then, so I doubt I would be bothered in the future.

But that was then, and this is now.

Fortunately for you, dear soul, this wasn’t the first time a suddenly loud event occurred smack dab in the middle of the proclamation of God’s Word. So I knew exactly what to do when your ear-splitting loud ringtone rang out and bounced off the walls of the chapel and the rest of the church building.

However, while I instinctively knew what to do, I was terrified. I was nervous behind that podium for the first time in a while. Even though I’ve been reading at Masses for a long, long, loooong time. Even though I knew nobody would really think much of the event as soon as they left the church building. Logically, I knew all of this.

However, emotionally, I was an extremely nervous wreck.

Because when you have mild social anxiety and really bad anxiety in general, it’s super hard not to get unnecessarily emotional and irrational when things don’t happen like you want them to.

However, I quickly realized that God’s Word was gonna get to the people in front of me regardless. It doesn’t matter if things aren’t going according to /my/ plans – if it’s going according to God’s plan, that is enough. If I managed to convey His Word to despite the interruption to ten, five, or maybe only one person, then I hope the Man Upstairs is pleased.

So, thank you, dear soul with the loud cell phone ringtone.

Thank you for giving me a chance to figure out how to effectively deal with with my anxiety when things aren’t going as planned.

Thank you for giving me a chance to rethink about what it really means to be a Lector for the Lord.

And thank you for helping me realize all over again that even in the embarrassing and off the wall moments, God is still with me.

Thank you, dear soul. But please put your phone on vibrate or silent or cut it off next time out of courtesy for the next lector.

Sincerely,

A Lector with really bad anxiety

A Letter to Anti-Technology Religious Clergy

Originally posted to Facebook on June 21, 2016

@ Catholic clergy who are anti-technology:

I tried to take it. I’ve tried to see both sides to this. But in the end, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. So if no one’s ever told you this, let me be the first to tell you:

Y’all have got to stop this “Let’s demonize technology and social media” rhetoric from the ambo and from the altar.

You know how the Apostle to the Gentiles, Saint Paul said, “The love of money is the root of all evil”? And you know how people often misquote it and say, “Money is the root of all evil”?

It’s basically the same concept with technology. Actual technology is not bad. It is not evil. It is not the spawn of Satan. It is not out to ruin humanity.

Yes, there are many risks associated with it: cyberbullying, pornography, addiction, etc. etc.. And yes, there is the growing number of kids who feel their only worth is in how many likes they get on that status or that Instagram post. And yes, there is a growing number of kids who are incapable of handling even the simplest of communication tasks.

But, instead of focusing on “oh these kids think/act this way and we must stop that thinking/action and stop their technology and social media use because it’s EVIL”, you honestly need to stop and ask yourselves.

Just exactly /why/ are the kids this way?

Because let me tell you now. A lot of these kids aren’t “addicted to the Internet” and “addicted to social media” and “addicted to their phones” just because. They aren’t addicted to them just because they can, they want to, and they will. And they certainly aren’t addicted simply because their parents “don’t know how to discipline”.

They become addicted because they’re afraid. Their parents tell them “the outside world is dangerous, uncaring, and unforgiving” and refuse to let them leave the house. Their “friends” (and even some of their family) demonize their interests or who they are under the guise of “joking around”. Random strangers come up to them and make inappropriate comments – about their weight, their clothes, their hair, or just anything that’s supposedly “fair game” to make fun of.

So where do they go when they can’t interact with the people in front of them for fear of backlash and ridicule? The Internet. Social media.

There, they can find individuals who are just like them. Who have the same interests. Who can accept them as they are. AND who aren’t creepy stalker old men or women disguising themselves as younger people.

No. Most kids aren’t spending “5 – 6” hours a day on the Internet just playing games or actively looking at pornography. There’s more to the Internet than that.

They’re communicating with the world that’s out of their reach for “safety concerns”. They’re communicating with mentors, friends, and those they call family in other states and even other countries.

They could be spending that time talking with someone who has mental illness or a physical handicap.

They could be talking with someone about their day, about their problems because they just can’t take it anymore and the only other alternative in their mind is suicide.

They’re talking to people who accept them, unlike the “friends” and “family” who don’t. Unlike the people whom the kids don’t want to speak up against out of fear of backlash and misunderstanding. Out of fear of damaging the family or their friendships.

They’re also using the Internet as a coping mechanism. To just get away from the society that’s, quite frankly, out to get them. Even in their own homes, the “first societies”.

These kids aren’t using those 5 – 6 hours to waste time – they’re doing it to survive in this harsh reality.

There are more pressing issues that you should be addressing from the ambo: racial tensions, inclusion of our LGBTQ+ brethren, inclusion of our special needs brethren, rights for /all/ women, how to practically help the poor, the abandoned, and the forgotten, for example. Issues that actually tie into why some of these kids are “on the Internet” all the time.

And if you aren’t addressing these issues because the salty, white suburban moms and the big bad donors won’t contribute to the collection if you do, why in the world did you become clergy then?! Jesus wasn’t afraid to speak the truth about controversial topics. You should aspire to that also.

Yes, I agree that a certain level of communication skills is needed to survive in this world.

Yes, I agree there are dangers on the Internet.

Yes, I agree that parents should guide their children about what type of sites to /not/ visit and not wait until that “questionable” pop-up appears.

Yes, I agree that kids should be free to discuss their problems with the people around them.

Yes, I understand that some kids genuinely do waste time on the Internet and should be dealt with accordingly.

Yes, I agree that there is a point where a kid has to shut off the laptop or be isolated from the phone for a bit every once in a while for reassessment purposes.

However, saying technology is evil and saying its use should be limited is not the answer. You don’t know what the kids are using the technology for. You only go by what others who don’t really use technology effectively tell you about they don’t understand. So you can’t say that the kids are wasting time.

So, my fellow brethren in Christ, I humbly implore y’all. Enough with the anti-technology rants, homilies, and articles. Enough with demonizing kids for only trying to survive this harsh reality. Enough with trying to blame the world’s problems on technology.

Preach more about the issues that lead to this “internet addiction” and “cell phone addiction”.

Preach more about how to spiritually and practically deal with issues and topics such as violence and abuse, such as racial tension and LGBTQ+ tensions, such as language and how it can harm and destroy, such as mental illness and drug abuse, such as misogyny and how it puts all of us in danger.

Be open-minded. Be understanding. Be merciful.

Sincerely,

A slowly recovering Internet addict

A Response to “Why Would You Study English?”

Originally posted to Facebook on November 20, 2015

Dear gentlewoman at the Saltzman Center who told me that being an English major at Hofstra University is a “waste of tuition” and that I “need” to change my major:

I appreciate the fact that you think my name is a great name. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. But, let me just say something.

The ones who are helping to pay for my tuition have told me that as long as I am happy with whatever I choose to pursue and that I work my butt off, they are glad to help pay for my education.

I’ve always loved English. I’ve always loved reading and writing. I’ve always loved learning about the tales of other writers who have changed their societies, whether for better or for worse. I’ve always been fascinated with how creative writing and literature can literally change lives.

I would not be happy being in Pre-Med, Pre-Law, Computer Science, Engineering, or any of the other majors that “guarantee” five to six figure jobs upon graduation. I have tried being happy with them. Honest. But, I found out reaaaaaaal quick that those majors are not my calling. Switching to those majors would be an insult not only to me, but to the ones who support me in my journey.

No, I don’t plan on being a teacher (which, by the way, is not a bad thing, even if you’ve had terrible experiences with English teachers). No, I don’t have a step-by-step plan on what I’ll do after I graduate Hofstra yet. No, I don’t even know what I “want to write” as a living yet.

But English makes me happy. Creative Writing makes me happy. Literature makes me happy. That much I know.

Does it guarantee six figure jobs? No. But, as I’ve been told, “it’s not about how much you make; it’s how much you save.” As long as I can afford the bare necessities to live as a functional adult, I can pay taxes (*sigh*), and I have a job I’m happy with, I don’t need millions of dollars in my bank account.

Success, to me, is not defined by how much money I make. Success is finding my true calling and being happy with it. That’s it. I would much rather be happy doing something I love for average pay rather than be miserable doing something I hate for a six figure paycheck.

And, contrary to popular belief, English does prepare people for the real world really well. Computer science nor engineering doesn’t teach you how to interact with people or how to effectively present your opinions or how to write in a way that compels people to read. English does.

Am I being romantic in a way? Yes. But I’m sick and tired of being a cynic, of being a pessimist, of being doubtful of the future in a world of cynics, pessimists, and doubters. I know I’m capable of achieving my definition of success. And that’s why I have a rosy, yet reasonable vision for my future.

While I am thinking of double majoring in print journalism along with English, I shouldn’t have to say that to justify my English major. My English major should be as respected as my possible Print Journalism major.

So, dear gentlewoman, thank you very much for your concern, but I am /not/ “wasting tuition” nor do I “need” to change my major. I’m going to be just fine.

Sincerely,

Angelica, an English – Creative Writing and Literature major

College Creative Writing 101: Don’t be creative, be realistic, even though realism is relative.

Before I started college, I’ve read many warnings by established and well-recognized authors concerning creative writing courses in universities and how they basically suck the creative part out of creative writing. Before I started college, I laughed off these warnings, thinking, “That might be true for other universities, but I’m sure my university won’t be like that.”

Well, after today’s Creative Writing class that’s mandatory for me since I’m an English major with Creative Writing and Literature concentration, turns out the established and well-recognized authors weren’t kidding.

For my Creative Writing class, we had to write a short story in the first person. Minimum number of pages was 3, the max was 4. You could write about your own experiences, but “remember that this is a creative writing class.” Oh yeah, and there was one other restriction: No fantasy. Which meant no Harry Potter or Hunger Games like stuff. This was a challenge for me because 99.99% of my short stories that I have written so far in my free time have been fantasy based. With fantasy out of the picture, I couldn’t come up with anything right away. So I went on my tumblr blog, searched through my “WRITING REFERENCE” (yes all caps) tag. After getting inspired for 12 hours by the memory loss prompt and trying to write something with it and that not working out and trying to look for a new one, I settled on the “Imagine your character waking up one morning and they had become famous almost overnight.”

I worked a lot on this story: making sure tenses were consistent, the main protagonist was interesting, all that jazz. It was also the first time I’ve written original fiction that was purely comical. Not dark and heavy with some light humor in the middle like the majority of my stories. I mean, it was only the first draft and I would have to revise it anyway after I read it out loud in class, but for the most part, I thought it was pretty good.

So, today, I read my story out loud after the guy sitting next to me read his and everyone commented on it, including the professor and teaching assistant. Afterwards, the professor told everyone to look it over and come up with something to say about the story. Meanwhile, having noticed some errors along the way, I was writing suggestions to myself on what could be revised. Being a perfectionist is such a struggle.

After that period of silence was up, most people had good and constructive things to say. “Voice was consistent.” “I wish you had told us what he was famous for sooner.” “Very engaging.” ‘Wait, did his mom really run over those reporters and the main protagonist REALLY not notice?!” “Nice foreshadowing in the beginning.” “The main protagonist is a bit passive. Try to make him more active with the plot.”

All of the comments I understood and took into consideration.

And then there was this one comment by this one kid who always wants say something in a not so constructive light and gets away with it because “well, that’s just how he is”.

“I was thrown off. The story wasn’t very realistic to me.”

And unfortunately, that was the one comment the professor decided to preach to me on. Well, maybe not preach. That’s a bit harsh sounding. I guess “advise me on” would be a better phrase. And as the professor was describing to me ways that I could make the story more “realistic” (which turned into a huge tantrum about the President of the United States, Russia, and Steven Spielberg), I was becoming quite irritable, and not because I really had to use the bathroom at that point.

Basically, the only way I can get away with not being “realistic” is to make the story a satire. Otherwise, it just doesn’t make sense.

And I thought to myself, “Woah woah woah. Realistic? We’re talking about realism in a creative writing class?”

Now, this isn’t an issue about whether I can handle criticism or not. I can handle criticism, especially when it comes to writing and speaking in public. Although, accepting such criticism from my peers is a different story because 99.999% of the time, they honestly don’t get it and I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Oddly enough, though, people younger and older than me get it usually.Go figure.

But.

Realism. In a creative writing class.

Now, I do understand that there has to be some realistic elements when writing about humans. After all, if people can’t relate to their own species in novels, you’ve done something wrong. And when dealing with professions like acting or being a doctor, you definitely have to be realistic there.

But when it comes to becoming famous?

So many unrealistic things have happened made people famous. Keeping Up with the Kardashians is a prime example of this. And many writers have been made famous through unconventional, almost unrealistic means also.

Not to mention all those movies that exist where people are famous through unrealistic means.

Yet I’m expected to be realistic, even though many an individual has been made famous because of “unrealistic” means.

Huh.

Sure, I will definitely keep that comment in mind when I’m completing my rewrite, but will I actually make it more realistic instead of turning it into a satire? Probably not. Because it’s not a satire. And reality is relative.

Large Groups of “Close” Friends? Nah, Keep It Small Please – An Introvert’s Prospective

Ah yes. Second semester of my first year in college. With all the missed days because of snow storms (shout out to Snowstorm Juno) and icy pathways, professors loading up the work because of these missed days, and extracurriculars, it’s kind of hard to catch my breath sometimes.

Fortunately, even with the work load being 3x as much as last semester, I actually enjoy my classes more.

Now, if you think this is another “HERE’S WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE YAY” blog post, I hate to disappoint you, but it’s not. In fact, if anything, this is more of a “What I haven’t learned from my first semester in college”. Or, even more accurately, “What I haven’t learned in my 14 years of Catholic school nor in my first semester in a non-religious (although most likely Jewish influenced) private university”.

Allow me to explain.

Before I came back to Long Island, NY for the second semester, my mother issued this challenge to me: “I want you to find one friend. One friend, that’s it. One friend whom you’ll hang out with and go everywhere with, even into the city. I mean, it’s fine if you don’t find that person this semester, but it’d be nice.”

It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? I thought so too.

But then I got back to campus and realized how hard it will be. Hofstra University is the largest private university on Long Island. The bulk of the student body, most likely, is freshmen.

And then, I also noticed one thing about not only Hofstra freshmen but pretty much everyone that’s my age, thanks to facebook.

I noticed that:

• Everyone’s pretty much buddy buddy with everyone else just in the course of one semester and
• Almost everyone belongs to a really large group of friends. Like, I’m not talking two or three people. I’m talking about at least ten.

And that’s absolutely terrifying to me.

You see, from the advent of my academic career onwards, I never belonged to a “large” friend group. Heck, I never belonged to any group until I got to high school. I wasn’t exactly the kid everyone hated (although I got some pretty rude comments directed at me in elementary and middle school. There’s a reason I went to a high school almost nobody else bar one was going to), but if you’re looking to find me in photos of groups of friends, good luck with that because those don’t exist.

To put it simply, large friend groups are scary. They terrify me. “Why?” you ask. Because the larger the friend group, the more likely I’ll be ignored. And due to my quiet, contemplative nature, it’s just more obvious in a larger friend group. And then, who’s to say the more talkative people won’t just get up and leave the quiet one because “oh she doesn’t talk much she’s boring”?

Additionally, I can’t even begin to count how many times people have called me their best friend, but then abandoned me for “more social” people. Now, I will admit, some of that is my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that one thing. Maybe I should have gone to that gathering. Maybe I should apologize to them. Maybe I should have talked with them more. Maybe this, maybe that.

Maybe I should take the initiative for once.

But then I see how happy they are with their “new best friend” and their “new friend group”, and having been taught to not “bring so much attention” to myself, I back off. Because if there’s one thing my generation absolutely hates, it’s “attention whores”, people who constantly pine for attention because they feel horrible about themselves. I wouldn’t go so far to say I’m one of those, but I get pretty freakin’ lonely sometimes, and it’s unbearable. Especially since I have a facebook and am constantly bombarded “BFFs since we were two xoxoxo :)”, “happy birthday, so-and-so, love youuuuuuu” (like shoot, I didn’t get a message like that for my birthday. except for my mom. Thanks, Mom.) and “so-and-so is now friends with so-and-so” almost every freaking day.

Now, I could deactivate my facebook, but I already did that once or twice throughout high school because I was so pissed at various “friends”, and my mom questioned my decision each time, so for her sake as well as the rest of my family’s, I stay on. Besides, now that I’m in college and my family is in so many parts of the US now, I have to keep up with them that way.

I could “unfriend” some of the people that make me uncomfortable with their hella large friend group pictures, but I’m far too lazy to do that actually. (Besides, some from my middle school and high school graduating classes have already taken the initiative lol)

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: If you want to be my friend, I’m cool with that. If you want to be my friend and involve me with your group of friends, I’m cool with that. If you want to be good friends with me, if you want to be my best friend, if you want me to be your friend for life, I’m cool with that too. But if you know for certain your other friends don’t take too kindly to introverts like me (trust me, there are ways you can find this out), don’t involve me with them. I’ve spent far too long being the ignored girl because interests and personalities weren’t compatible.

And while we’re at it, for the love of God, please communicate with me if you’re going to be my friend. I’m not saying have in-depth conversations with me every day because ain’t nobody got time for that. But if you feel I’ve done you wrong or anything of that sort, tell me. Don’t just flat out ignore me and expect me to completely understand what I did wrong. And occasionally, I might ask (almost too many times lol) if you still consider me your friend because I’ve lost touch with so many good ones over the years over stupid stuff. And I try to fix that, but by that time, it’s already too late. Ignoring me might fix things on your end, but it makes things worse on mine, even if I try to say, “Well, it’s for the best.”

I know I’m asking a lot, but I know I’m worth it. And I know you’re worth it too. And I will act like it. I promise.

“Find that one friend you can constantly hang out with in college,” my mom said. It’s gonna be hard, but I’m confident that by the end of this academic year, I’ll meet her expectation.

Link to Multimodal Project

http://thenostalgicmeme.wordpress.com/

First Hand Witness of Oyster Creek [Post 5]

All photos taken by me

First Hand Witness of Oyster Creek [Post 4]

All photos taken by me